My love, tonight I was able to get hold of a very deep affirmation of the reason why of all the guys I’ve been with, you are the one that I chose. I feel so great about our relationship. Now, I am more than confident and assured that I am not just in love with you, more to that, I am committed to you.
Sorry kung hinid na ako nakabalik para sa last night mo, tambak kasi ang kaso na inaaral ko. Eto nalang po ang pangungulit na ibibigay ko para sayo
Naaalala mo pa bang kung ano ang una mong sinabi sa amin nina Paolo at Dustin noong araw na pumunta kami sa PRRM Central Office para mag-apply for internship? Sabi mo ”sa susunod wag kayo magsusuot ng ganyan (business attire) mukha kayong ahente ng fertillizer.”
Sa puntong yun, alam ko na, na magiging masaya ang intership namin.
Hindi pa kami nakakatapos ng isang linggo, nilapitan kami ni Sir Nappy at sinabing “pagkatapos niyo diyan akyat daw kayo sa pent house sabi ni Sir Joey para sa evaluation”.
Nagtinginan kami nina Paolo at Dustin kasi ilang araw palang kami, may evaluation na agad. Pagakyat namin ang sumalubong samin ay isang malaking alak, yun nga lang di ko na maalala kung Johnnie Walker yun o Jack Daniels (o diba bigatin tayo). Sabi ni Dustin Label 5 daw yung ininom. Di ba di ko maalala kasi nga medjo bange-nge na din ako.
Sumisimple lang ako ng inom nun pero nilulunod ko na yung alak ng yelo para mainom ko na parang tubig kasi may tama na ako agad.
At mas lalo kong naramdaman na eto na, eto na ang hinahanap kong intership.
Dumaan ang mga linggo at ang pinaka-dabest na parte ng intership ay ang makasama kayo nina Sir Nappy at Sir Leonard sa PRRM Nueva Ecija.
Bakit the best?
Una, kasi malayo ang Nueva Ecija at ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagiging Development Worker.
Pangalawa, da best ang palasyo ni MI doon. Ibang level ang sarap ng mga pagkain a.k.a pulutan lalo na yung sinampalukan.
Pangatlo, major hangover ako dun at inabutan mo pa akong tulog at wasted. Pangapat, ang saya niyong kasama nina Sir Nappy at Sir Leonard.
Para sakin ang normal na araw sa opisina ay ganito. Papasok sa office ng 9am or 10am trabaho ng konti tapos kakain sa pent house ng lunch tapos magtatrabaho buong hapon tapos happy hour na sa RR Café. By happy hour, alam na natin yan. Konting usapan, konting toma, videoke, at mas maraming pang usapan at mas masigasig na toma.
Kasi sabi mo dapat ”enjoy while working hard ” kasi we are drinking hard while working.” Iba ka talaga!
The best part of being with you is nung iniwanan mo kami ng ube halaya sa table mo kasi alam mong mag-oovernight kami sa office mo para magedit ng video para sa iba’t ibang sectors ng PRRM. Sabi ko ang sarap mong maging boss at maging tatay. Actually kinuha ko yung note mo at tinago ko.
Yun, yun ang mamimiss ko sayo kasi hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang pumasok sa opisina mo ng hindi ako nalulungkot. Hindi ko alam kung kaya kong makita na wala na yung nagtuturo sakin kung pano gumamit ng coffee maker mo na may specific lang na kape na ginagamit. Hindi ko alam kung sinong pupuna sakin kapag umiiyak ako kasi hindi ko nade-defend ang sarili ko kay Sir Eboy.
At higit sa lahat, wala na yung taong naka-witness sa pagsuka ko sa elevator ng PRRM noong gabing naparami ako sa happy hour dahil sa ibang level na mix ng tonic water, whisky at vodka.
Nga pala may utang ka pa sakin na isang case ng beer kasi di ba, nung nakita tayo sa PRRM Nueve Vizcaya nung nagti-thesis ako dun, pinagpustahan mo kami ng boyfriend ko na hindi kami magtatagal ng 1 year kasi graduating ako at papasok ako ng law school. Witness pa natin nun si Maam Cathy. Well, 1 year and 6 months na kami ngayon at kasama ko siya nung dinalaw kita last Sunday.
May usapan pa tayo na ita-take advantage natin ang free time ko ngayong summer para magvolunteer ako sa PRRM. Naka-set na yun kasi sabi mo okay na tapos biglang ganito. Hay nakakalungkot pero sabi nga ni Sir Nappy “ituloy mo parin ang pagvo-volunteer”. Opo, itutuloy ko pero baka hindi muna ngayong summer kasi nalulungkot pa ako sa pagka-wala mo.
Sir Joey, hindi ako nagsisisi na hindi namin kinuha ang intership sa UN ng mga oras na yun. Alam kong sinadya ni Papa God na sayo kami mag intern para mas lalo naming ma-apreciate ang development work.
Salamat pala sa flat 1 na grade na galing sainyo ni Sir Nappy. At sinunod namin ang gusto mo na hindi kami pwede magrefer ng intern sa PRRM kung hindi lang naman namin kasing galing at kasing ganda ko (sympre dagdag ko nalang yung huli. ha ha ).
Siguro papalipasin ko muna ang ilang buwan bago ako bumalik sa PRRM para magvolunteer kasi losing you is too much to bear. Idol kita sa dedication mo sa development work.
Till we meet again. Kampay Sir Joey.
I will surrender myself because I want to continue fighting. I still have this one chance, one last chance to still make it through. Father, help me to get through this.
What happened tonight really broke my heart. This strange feeling crushed everything that I have, specially my self-esteem. I cannot clearly express the pain that is rushing through me but I know deep-down I feel really sad. Father, help me find the reason for this pain. Help me get through this, without me losing myself. Father, cradle me to sleep and make me wake up with the promise of a better day. Father, guide me through this pain.
PS. Thank you for sending two angels that made me smile and laugh to somehow ease the pain.
How many superheroes do you know have the amazing power to see through physical objects, popularly known as X-ray Vision? Well, I know Superman has one. I think cats also have x-ray visions.
Why the interest in such? Besides from the fact that only fictional characters possess such extraordinary power, and maybe some animals. But are you going to believe me, if I say that in one instance or another, we have been able to exhibit such powers and maybe we have the capacity to hone it?
I will never forget the day that I took the UPCAT (UP College Admission Test), it was a sunny August 4, year 2007. I was at the front desk of my Mom’s office, waiting for the right time to board on a jeepney so I can be at the examination room not too early nor too late. That time I knew I was nervous because I am not sure if I can answer the items in the exam. I also felt twice the pressure because my examination day is also my Mom’s birthday. My parents knew I am tense and nervous but they just told me to relax or else I may experience a mental black-out. So there I was, standing, looking at the road, and looking at the clock. When suddenly a big bus passed by my sight and in its body, a decal saying “Goodluck Express”.
I can still vividly remember the feeling of calmness that rushed through me upon seeing those words passing by my sight that exact moment that I felt so much anxiety and fear. Before that, I was constantly talking to God to make me relax and take the exam with all trust to myself and to Him. So I decided to board a jeepney and go to the school where my examination room is.
That “bus” encounter again happened months ago. I was feeling so confused if I really am in the right place that I wanted to be. I kept asking myself if going to law school was my own choice or was it chosen for me. A crossroad that I think most people encounter at this certain age and circumstance. So there I was, this time, I am sitting in a bus going to a place that always keep me sane. I stared blankly outside the road. I saw people, cars, buses and more people. At the brink of crying, a jeepney passed by my sight, and the decal in its body says, “God knows.”
My first “bus” encounter immediately flashed back into my memory. And that same calm feeling struck me again. My tears never rolled down and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I am about reach my destination.
I may not be a superhero who can see through walls and even walk right through it. I may not be a cat with an ultra sensitive sensor and react to those instantaneously. But out of those two meaningful encounters, I felt I had an x-ray vision. The capacity to look beyond what is obvious and interpret the signs at hand. During those two encounters, I allowed myself to create a meaning, so intimate, that I was able to tell myself, “Leah, that is My message for you.”
How many times do we pay attention to such minute encounters that already seem so unnoticeable? How many times do we look beyond what the physical world is showing us and understand the reason why things were there, at that precise moment? How many times do we recognize that in every, single message that may seem not important, is the message that we kept longing to receive? How many times do we attribute those words of encouragement to Him, who never fails to send us a response in our every call?
I did, twice.
A reflection paper written for SEM1.
It’s funny how women fought so hard just to attain such equanimity in all levels of treatments. I, being a woman, also faltered the idea that, it would really be lovely to see that men and women will be treated equally at work, at home and at the community. But recently, I realized that, I, still need men.
Back tracking a bit about my life, I knew myself to be independent; never missed in carrying out obligations on my own. I went to an all-girls Catholic school from kinder until high school and knew how life without men could be so “tranquil and easy”. I bring myself to school. I carry my own bag. I carry my own food tray. I bring myself home. I do my assignments alone. I sleep and prepare for my next day. That was my everyday routine but definitely I have my parents to support my needs. At school, I would get the role of men during plays and dances. I grew up only witnessing a few men in my life, my father, brothers, and relatives. Aside from them, I believed that I can perfectly exist without the others. But not until I left my comfort zone and met the harsh and cruel reality.
Thereafter, I went to a Co-Ed institution in college and to describe my few days there in two words – culture shock. It was hard for me to mingle and socialize with men, even with my bloc-mates, it was hard. It was like the hardest part in college for me, exaggeration aside. But also being flexible, I learned how to accept that God created men and women to co-exist and help out each other. Months and years passed and I got along very well with men. I can always account this development to my organization for helping me out in reaching out and adjusting.
Whenever my bag becomes too heavy to carry, I got male friends to carrying it for me. Whenever my food tray would be unmanageable, I got male friends to help me. Whenever, after-class activities would end up late, I got male friends to bring me home safely. Whenever I felt like being weak, I got my male friends encouraging me.
It was only in college that I was able to accept to myself that I am still a woman and that men are created by God to help. There is no quarrel that men are physically stronger than women, in which strength which must be used to help and not to take advantage of someone weaker.
Just like in every movie, every leading lady has her own leading man. Just like in every fairytale, every princess has her own prince charming. For every wife, there is a husband. For every mother, there is a father. For every woman, there comes a man.
I will always smile each time I would admit to myself that I met my own (super) man, my saving agent. Unlike the very mythical way of saving that the famous Superman does, the way that my (super) man saves me, is a simple as, fixing my slippers so I can continue walking at ease. Saving may not be as big as pulling someone out of being drowned or rushing into the blazing fire to save someone stranded inside a burning house. Saving may also be in simple ways like lending a pen to someone or saying that his or her bag is open along the busy place of LRT 1.
My (super) man may not know this, but his simple acts of saving me every time I feel sad and confused are already life-changing acts. His pat on my back every single time that I rant about my tiring and exhausting law school gives me the warmth of support that I dearly need. His sweet words of encouragement fuel my dream and just keep going even if it burns all of me in the process. His minute sacrifices to stay up late at night, an hour passed his bedtime just to talk to me over the phone and ask me how my day was never cease to make me feel loved and that I am never alone.
I am very grateful to have met my (super) man who would always avail the newspaper line “and he again saves the day”. But I believe that there is the ultimate (super) Man that we all have in common. We have our ultimate Savior that has done all those saving acts that we could possibly imagine. He made the ultimate saving act that no superhero can match; He gave His life for not just me but for all of us. He offered His life so we can continue living. He is indeed the Super Man, our ultimate saving agent.
Hopefully, in some ways, I also have been a saving agent to somebody in my own simple way. So, then, whose your (super) man?
A reflection paper written for SEM1.
I am still hoping that maybe, just maybe, I can still make it the way I wanted it to be.
I saw other people sharing their August wishes and so, I also did wish for something.
#AugustWish: A meaningful and successful August!
7 days before the month of August ends, I can say that my wish did come true.
(Allow me to share only the highlights of this month so that I will not have such a hard time placing photographs to support my claims.)
Let’s start with the nerve-wrecking Midterms. This is my first ever law school midterm examination (obviously). And how did it go? *crickets*
It was indeed nerve-wrecking, law school it is. It was hard, confusing and extreme! But after all those literally sleepless nights of review, I will never be ashamed of what the result will be (it failing or passing) because that was the best of what I can give that very moment. I cannot expect myself to get through it that easy because it was my first encounter with the law school-type of examination.
As my favorite song says: “I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough” – Just Once
I need to keep moving forward regardless of the failure or success that the past brought me.
The best redeemer of my burdens–was the long weekend. It was one of the most memorable weekends of my life. Why? Because of these…
#1 (August 18, 2012)
I attended the 25th Anniversary of my beloved organization, UP BUGKOS. Right after my last exam, I hurriedly went back to my pad and grabbed my ‘long weekend baggage.’ I made it a point to catch the upcoming LRT train so I wouldn’t need to battle with the long line at the bus station going to Laguna. I tried my best to rest while on the bus because I don’t have enough time to do it at Los Baños. Almost 2 hours and I tried to sit to catch my breath. Because that night is not just an ordinary anniversary, I made it a point to look my best. Reaching a Silver Anniversary is an important milestone. Well , thank you to Beauty Perks for making me look as if I wasn’t from a horrible week of exams. Also, thank you to my friend, Louise, for lending me her ‘vavavoom’ F21 dress.
We, I was with Mikko, arrived late but as I entered the hall, it was full with people wearing their most elegant black outfits, I then felt, this is really a special night. You will really know how important an event is not just because of how everyone dressed to their best but specially because of the presence of people, who made it a prime choice to be there regardless of their very busy schedules.
I wore my best smile throughout the night and asked myself to forget that I came from a very tiring exam. I greeted my madis and padis with warm “kamay” (handshake) and a loving hug. The program for the event ended and I joined my orgmates to enjoy the night dancing as Pading Jay did the mix. I felt ecstatic because after all these years of being a resident member, I won an award now that I am an alumna. Thank you to my padis who appreciated me that night. You made me feel very special.
Unfortunately, I can conceal that I’m tired but my body cannot. Around 2am (August 19) I can feel severe headache and eye strain, I then decided the need to take some rest.
#2 August 19, 2012
To have some break from all academic pressure, Mikko and I, decided to go to Enchanted Kingdom. Yehey! Maybe other people would ask, why at Enchanted Kingdom? Because the very first time that I went to EK (I was then in 4th year college), it was still raining hard because a typhoon just passed. So to vindicate such experience, we decided to return to EK. Everything is going just the way it is except for one thing, my camie. My camera is not functioning well! Sadly, our EK date was not fully documented, except for a photo or two that was taken before entering EK.
Bulk of our EK date were not rides because we are both impatient falling in line, it was more on eating. Spiral hotdogs, Mikko’s favorite mini-donuts, apple tape and the Pizzahut’s lasagna and supreme pizza.
Our main intention is to ride the Wheel of Fate (in a good weather) and to watch the fireworks display plus to take the challenge of riding the ‘EK eXtreme.’
And poof! Mission Accomplished!
Indeed, the best feeling is simply being with your special someone and spending time with him.
#3 August 20, 2012
Lax time! Late in the afternoon, I asked Mikko to eat dinner at Jollibee because it is his favorite fastfood serving his favorite ‘stapegi.’ I was asking him to move faster because I am running after a shop that will eventually close, he insisted that Jollibee is open 24 hours. I actually have a surprise for him, an anniversary gift that I need to buy before 9pm.
We spend most our time together watching movies and resting in bed but the foam of his bed eventually was worn out and because he loves to sleep, I want him to always feel comfortable. I decided to give him a new foam, and this time it was Uratex so I will never worry that he will already be feeling the cold and hard floor. After dinner, we hurriedly returned to his apartment because I can see his excitement to lie down and enjoy his new bed.
Mikko, always remember that I always want you to feel comfortable–always. <3
#4 August 21, 2012
The day that marked a milestone in our relationship. It’s our anniversary! I have always said that my relationship with Mikko helped me a lot to be a better person. I learned how to love other people aside from myself. I learned how to share the things that I have. I learned to take care of other people aside from myself. It was just a bit late for me to learn these things because I always feared commitment. I always feared getting hurt by other people.
It took me much courage to take such risk and much trust to share my comfort zone with him. But within a year, I can proudly say it was worth the wait.
I also had a date with my nay, Ma’am Lei. I just missed talking and listening to her wisdom. She never fails to make me feel better. I just missed you nay! I will always remember that The Pieta waited for 8 years.
How was my August?
It was L.O.V.E